We Thank Thee, O God, for a Prophet

This is a short video about the life of President Hinckley. I really enjoyed it and hope you do too. Feel free to pass it on to others.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=MvB3z2U8DEo

Also take the time to look at the three video responses below the video. The written responses also give you an idea of how this man was loved.

The depression monster

I hope this post is OK, Mom. If not, feel free to remove it. Having worked with/counseled many people who suffer from depression, as well as having episodes here and there myself, I've found it difficult to explain what depression is like. Everyone gets "depressed" or "down" sometimes, but don't always seem to get what it's like to have "depression". It takes over you sometimes. I explain it as a disease, which it is, that you have to manage, like any other chronic illness. If you have diabetes, you should be faithful in managing your diet and exercise and take necessary medications to control the effects of the disease and your overall health. The same is true of depression...you have to manage it, sometimes with medication, and all the time with other tools and techniques to keep it at bay. For me, it's exercise, eating right, and making sure to not isolate myself from friends and family. But, sometimes it still hits when I'm doing all the "right" things. The great thing is, the depression monster can be conquered, or at least kept under control if we do our best. One of the greatest things I learned in school is....if something's not working (i.e. you get more depressed when you do it), do less of it. And conversely, if you notice you're less depressed when you do certain things, do more of it. Sounds simple, and it is, if you're able to have some awareness about those things.

I loved this post from a friend of a friend who has a gift with words. She described depression in a way that I would never have been able to. She gave me permission to use her words here (it's just a portion of the post):

i have been in that place where it hurt to stay awake. where even the
days seemed dark. and i could sleep right through them if somebody would let me.
the depression monster is a powerful one. it could swallow a person whole
without a second thought. i've stared at myself in the mirror before and not
recognized the person looking back at me. i've driven through rainstorms and
felt like never hitting the brakes. i've been in a room full of smiling/laughing
people and felt like no one knew who i was or that i was even there. felt like i
couldn't breathe. i'm not sure what exactly sent me madly spinning. a
combination of alot of things. probably my severely tender heart. one day back
then, i couldn't stop crying. the depression monster is real to the people that
are living with him. he's powerful. he can talk you into unimaginable
things. -by Lindsay

Gordon B. Hinckley

I know that it isn't possible for me to express myself the way I want to on the topic of Gordon B. Hinckley but I have to try. As a convert to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I have pondered many aspects of the church. For some reason, one of the easiest concepts to grasp was that the Lord that I have worshipped throughout the first 20 years of my life would have a prophet on earth today as in the times from the Bible. I never doubted that. Even before I heard a talk from one of the prophets (my first was Spencer W. Kimball) I knew that I wouldn't doubt this.

President Hinckley was a kind, gentle soul who wasn't afraid to tell you what you needed to do to find your way back to our Father in Heaven. He could be tough when needed and he used humor to praise or chastise, whatever needed to be done. He was a hard worker and a dedicated servant of the Lord. I know that we as members like to think of him as pretty close to perfect but he would let you know that he made mistakes too - he was human and wasn't afraid to admit it. His love for his wife was inspiring, his love for us as members is something I am positive about. His concern for each and every one of us was well known.

This is the part that many non-members will not understand - while I feel sorrow for my loss (and the world's loss) - I KNOW the joy that he feels right now is something that my little brain can not totally grasp. He is with his wife, parents and others who have passed away and there is a celebration going on right now that is out of this world. I know he was greeted with open and loving arms. His work is over on this existence. Well done, President Hinckley, well done.

I got Tagged

My son-in-law doesn't like me - he tagged me to come up with 6 things about me and he KNOWS how much I dislike this kind of thing. His punishment is that I made the comment on my blog - SO THERE, TURKEY.

The rules of the game should be posted at the beginning of the post. Each player lists 6 facts/habits about themselves. At the end of the post, the player then tags 6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

1. I am a photographer. I don't have any family around to take the pictures that I want to take so I take hundreds of pictures of nature, odd things and weird angles just to have something to point the camera at. (Yes, I know I ended with a preposition.) Most of the pictures are deleted from my camera card cause there's no reason to keep them.

2. I scrapbook. This could be a result of #1 so that I have something to do with the photos I want to keep.

3. I enjoy hiking, camping and so forth. It isn't all that fun to do alone so I don't do it often.

4. I am the procrastination queen. To prove that statement: Hopefully this week I will go to Sam's and order my 2007 Christmas Cards. I hope to have them sent out before my birthday at the end of April. We'll see.

5. I am a boring individual. Proof of that is that I can't even come up with 6 things about me.

6. My favorite charity is the Ronald McDonald House. I volunteer in the office of the house in Durham as receptionist. My church class is collecting pop tabs to donate to RMH. That program raised over $20,000 last year for the house here in Durham. It costs somewhere around $85 a night for one room to be occupied each night. The families are asked to donate $10 per night if they can afford it but most can't so this program comes in handy.

Now - please bear in mind that I don't know 6 people who blog so this is the best I can do. I'm hoping the Jen on Ken's list is not my Jennifer cause she is my #1. (If Ken already tagged her then she only has to do it once.) #2 Tim (Yell at Ken, not me) #3 Lisa (see Tim's note) #4 Angie (figured I'd better get you before Jennifer did) #5 Willow (Hey, she has a blog!) and #6 the Ferrell family (no one reads it anyway!)

Geek, anyone?

I was going to expound on the term "Geek" and how the term used to be a derogatory term and is now kinda accepted as an ok thing. A matter of pride even. I decided to go to Wikipedia to get the definition of geek and found out a few things.

1- All my expounding has already been done and if you go to Wikipedia and look up Geek you will find EXACTLY what I was going to say. This way I don't have to type it.

2- Since the term is associated with an expertise or at least an obsession with certain things, then I am also a BLOG GEEK, SCRAPBOOK GEEK, AND A SCI-FI GEEK.

3- Due to the last line in #1, I think I think I also qualify for PROCRASTINATION GEEK and LAZY GEEK.

How cool is that?

Today as I ignored the illness I do not have, I was in bed a lot and just moving slow and looked out the window to - SNOW! Didn't know it was expected or that it was happening. It just appeared. Pretty cool.

Quote for this day

Life is short,
Break the rules,
Forgive quickly,
Kiss slowly,
Love Truly,
Laugh uncontrollably,
And never regret anything that made you Smile.

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should Dance....

Funny or Sad?

Either no one reads my blog, or cares about me cause NO ONE gave me a hard time about my negative comments last night. OH, well.

For my penance (cuz I do know my head doc reads this thing and she will be coming after me) I will make this one a gratitude with attitude post.

I'm grateful that I'm still alive so that I can complain.

I'm grateful for my head doc cause she reads my blog when no one else will.

I'm grateful for the cold weather cause it makes me appreciate warm weather.

I'm grateful for the head doc cause she has conversations with me on a regular basis. ( I have to pay her but . . .)

I'm grateful for Willow the Chihuahua for several reasons:
- she makes me pick my clothes up off the floor (or she pees on them).
- she wakes me up if I sleep too long.
- she loves me anyway.
-she gives me something to do when I'm awake.
-she shows me unconditional love (as long as I do things HER way).
- she makes me pick trash up off of anything (otherwise it will be instantly turned into a million tiny, itsy, bitsy pieces).

Enough for now.

To Whom It May Concern - I QUIT

Due to the lousy mood I'm in which is due to the "illness" I have had since Nov 14th and is going strong . . I have spent the last 48 hours mostly in bed. I do not feel better and I'm ticked off with the world. Am I depressed? Well, duh! Am I sick because I'm depressed or am I depressed because I'm sick? Who knows? Who CARES? SO - To my GP, my ENT, my head doctor and anyone else reading this drivel - I AM NO LONGER SICK. I will not admit to the snotty nose, the postnasal drip, the sore throat, the pain in head, face, ears or chest. There is no hacking cough, nothing green, yellow or gray coming from my throat or nose. I am not sick. The nasal sound coming from my voice area is not from illness, I have decided to change my accent and I am now from the Bronx and sound like Fran Drescher (of The Nanny). So do not attempt to worry about my illness even if I thought anybody would - it no longer exists. Have a great day. And, yes, I know my therapist will calling me to set up an appointment for my chewing out. Bring it on. PS: All pharmaceutical companies beware. No more antibiotics, no more OTC stuff, no more vitamins. GO AWAY.

You want some cheese with that whine?

Two Months - 3 sinus infections - two ear infections - one case of bronchitis - three rounds of antibiotics and what does the ENT say when he looks in my sinuses today? "Well, you are definitely the poster child for chronic sinusitis." Dang! I figured that with only two more pills to go of the antibiotic I would at least be infection free today. SIGH! The ENT sent me home with prescriptions for ANOTHER (different) antibiotic, a steroid medication and a cough medicine that will give me a buzz and make me sleep. I told him the cough was better and didn't think I really needed the cough meds and he said "I look into your eyes and see an exhausted woman. You will not get well if you do not rest well when you sleep." OOOOOKay????? Let's grab a mirror and see if I'm looking THAT bad. Hmmmmm. Thought I looked better than before - guess I was wrong. Next - did ya hear that?? Someone of the opposite sex looked into my eyes. Ahhhhh ain't that sweet? Too bad all he saw was a tired, snotty, hacking old goat. Dang!

I go drop off my prescriptions at a local pharmacy that I don't use often and they said to pick up my meds in an hour. I gave them an extra hour and go to pick it up. 15 minutes (I kid you not) of this baby in a pharmacy coat wandering around looking in bins and in computers and so forth, he comes back and ask me if I was sure I dropped it off at that CVS. Now, I may be a tired sick old hag but I think I can remember driving to the pharmacy and leaving the little piece of paper with them. It's only been two hours, ya know? After I patiently explain this to the kid that YES I did - he then says, well, we don't have it. Without dragging this moron across the counter and biting off his little pea-brained head I kindly suggest he look again. Less than five minutes later he comes back and holds up my prescription paper and asks me if that was it. SIGH , I make him check the name and amazingly it was mine. Funny how that worked hunh? So he says - I swear I'm not lying - So when would you like to pick it up? DUH! NOW! We'll, we're kinda busy right now - it'll be two hours before it's ready. Okay. Am I in the Twilight Zone or what? It gets better, just wait.

So I go visit with a friend and we are discussing a recent change in my Visiting Teaching route. Ruth is no longer my partner and Diane is. I made a silly remark about how the RS President (Amy) had changed me and Ruth because we didn't do the bestest job and we were fired as partners. She then calmly tells me that she got an email from Amy saying that Diane needed a more mature partner and did Ruth think I would be OK. HUNH? Vicki was there too and the three of were in tears and holding our sides from all the laughter that comment got. Gee, is this pick on me day or what???

So when my two hours are up I go back to CVS where the same little kid asks me how he can help me. Since I figured telling him to go stick his head in a toilet and flush 50 times might not be helpful, I gave him my name - again - and he proceeds to do the wander around thing again. I get his attention and remind him that we've already gone through all that and that the prescription should be either finished by the pharmacist or in their hands. Don't check that dumb computer again! It didn't help last time and it won't help this time. OK, the last two lines only went on in my head - not out loud. Finally he comes back and says it will be ready in 15 minutes. I told him that it was fine because I would be waiting right there for it. I went and got a bottle of water, a bag of chips and grabbed a People Magazine and sat under their noses for 40 more minutes. There was another lady sitting next to me and we made fun of them and their efficiency (not loud enough for them to hear but you know they had to know we were trashing them.) We were very visible and audible too. Finally one of the other people asks if we are waiting for something (no, lady - we didn't have anything better to do tonight so we met at the CVS pharmacy so we could visit! HERE's YOUR SIGN!) and we give her our names and she runs off to wander for five minutes coming back to tell us it will be 15 -20 minutes which had us rolling on the floor laughing. I told the lady that it was fine with me. I told her that since they were closing for the night in 30 minutes and they wouldn't be able to leave until I got my prescriptions that I had been told would be ready before 6:00 and this was my third trip there - I figured I'd get it before 10:00 (closing time). The funny part is that the other lady and I ate our snacks (not paid for yet), drank our drinks (not paid for yet) and read our magazines -which we put back in the rack by the register and DID NOT PAY FOR! and we were checked out by 9:57 for me and 9:58 for her. I remember why I moved all my regular prescriptions to another pharmacy.

I think I'm going to go check and see if someone put a "KICK ME" sign on my back. What a day.

Opinion for Today

Got any topics you think I should expound on, hmmmm? Sometimes this assignment can be hard, just coming up with the topic. I'm sure I have an opinion on anything you can come up with for me to use. LOL

How about this? I teach the 10 years kids at church. Two of the kids are fraternal twin sisters and couldn't be more different if they tried. For some reason people like to compare them just because they were born on the same day and shared a womb for 9 months. Why is that? They are two separate children and just like you don't expect siblings born two years apart to be the same, why expect it from twins? Even identical twins have different personalities and preferences. I don't see why children should feel a competition between themselves so is it our expectations and opinions that shape them that way? Do we make them that way because we are constantly comparing and saying, "this twin is dominant." and Twin A reads better than Twin B or Twin B is more cuddly and Twin A is more independent?

We help shape the personality of the children we come in contact with by how we interact and respond so we are somewhat responsible for sibling rivalry. At the same time each child has different needs and we can't always help one child without letting another perceive that "Mommy spends more time with little Janie because she needs help reading so she must love her more." Instead of, "Right now Mommy is helping Janie because she doesn't read as well as I do and she needs help while I don't. Love has nothing to do with it."

It's good for children to have different strengths and weaknesses. They learn to help each other and how to compensate when things don't go quite the way they want things to go. To expect two separate kids to excel in the same things is ludicrous whether born on the same day or years apart. Real life just works that way.

check out this blog

I don't think this counts as therapy but tough. I found a good blog I wanted to share. Amazingly she's from NC too. It is http://mswhitsrecipes.blogspot.com/ Lots and lots of recipes.

PS: No fair giving me a hard time about not being asleep. I'm coughing up my lungs every time I go to sleep - which the number of times asleep for this night is up to four - so far.

GRRRRR

One more note for today. I may have figured out how to continue to live with this "coincidence". I am continuing all the meds my doctor wants me to take, continuing with the extra fluids AND I've added the liquid version of the generic NyQuil and DayQuil. Since the NyQuil helps me sleep longer than 3 minutes before I cough, that's obviously the nighttime meds. I take them every four hours whether I need them or not. I've gotten more done today than I have in two months. Still feel lousy but that seems to be the only way I'm suppose to feel.

Now the two questions I have: Why am I no longer shuddering when I take the liquid medicine? Gotten used to it or maybe even unwittingly decided that since it is helping me to survive, I like it better? Can you get hooked to the stuff? Other question - If I'm "sick" for more than three months does that mean my normal way of feeling has changed and then if I get "well", will I then be sick? Maybe, I just better go back to bed where insane questions don't interrupt my new way of "life" UGH.

Blessings and Frustration

I was going to place a comment on Jennifer's blog about her Good Samaritan incident and realized there was too much to say as a comment and it needed to be a post of it's own. So if you do not look at Jennifer's blog you won't have a clue as to what brought this on.

I will NEVER figure out how anyone can NOT believe in God and that He watches over us. This event just reaffirms that knowledge for me. Prayers are answered constantly. My prayer (and lots of others) for the safety and good fortune for my children was answered this time and other times we will never know. I feel so blessed in so many ways. Don't take the rest of this as a complaint, cuz it isn't. Just my feelings and experience.

As I read your blog, Jennifer, I was crying uncontrollably. Crying from joy in the knowledge that you and the kids are ok and crying from my frustration that I can't be there to touch each of you and make sure in my "mother's eyes" point of view that you weren't hurt. Frustration from the confirmation, once again, that you are on your own and don't need Mommy. I want to be there for all of you - to be with you, just to chat over a cup of hot chocolate as well as babysitting so that you think I'm doing you the favor when actually you are letting me be with the kids. Yet there you guys are - scattered all over the USA and here I am, in bed, sick from that dang "coincidence" I've had since mid-November and no where near all of you. I still say it should be a law that parents cannot live more that 10 miles from the grandmother that is named Gramama. OK, frustration has been written about.

There are Good Samaritans everywhere and God makes sure they find those in need of that wonderful trait. So, once again, my prayers will always be with and for all my children (CHILDREN is inclusive of spouses and grandchildren and so forth - in case you didn't know.)

Calvin and Hobbes

Today's topic is a little bit of reminiscing. Two things happened that made me think of the comic. I was surfing blogs and found one I was enjoying very much and she had posted a site with a grouping of the snowmen comics with Calvin. Years ago I had seen a collection and had printed it off and made a scrapbook grouping of them. AND later I was cleaning and found a stack of Robbie's books of Calvin we had given him. Click on this link to see the snowmen in question. http://rammygram.com/index.php/2007/12/20/calvin-and-his-snowmen/

I liked Calvin as much as Robbie did but I think Robbie took joy in it more because he had never had children before marrying me to get to my 3 munchkins. He enjoyed the scrapes Calvin got into because it made our insane life look a little less abnormal. (If any of my children question that statement, here are four things to back me up. 1- the picture of a little boy who has tied his feet together and thrown the rope over a tree limb and proceeded to "hang" himself upside down. 2- The ER visit with a little girl who had pushed a pea-sized seed so far up her nostril that she almost had to have minor surgery to remove it. 3- The little girl who told her entire life history (as well as her parents' and siblings') to whoever had the misfortune of being in line with us at the grocery store (or the cashier if no one else was around.) 4- The sweet, innocent little girl who toddled over to me with her hand out and grunting cause she wanted to give me something and then released a big, hairy spider into my open palm. I have lots more examples but for now I rest my case.)

He must have been crazy to have taken on a woman with three very small children and then have another child to round everything out. I guess that's why he fit in so well. He took the responsibility of being a father very seriously and loved each of the children for their strengths and weaknesses. He didn't consider himself to be a step-father, he was ONE of their fathers. He was the father of four children, not the father to one and the step-father to three children. He took special care to make sure the youngest got her special time when the older three went to their other father's house for visits so she wouldn't feel different. He made sure the other three knew that he chose them as part of his family and that they were just as loved as his youngest child. That probably doesn't make sense to some people but to us - we were a family of two adults with four very special children. The steps in our family led upstairs.

I'm not sure why I'm thinking about Robbie now - it's not a birthday, holiday or anniversary. Not to mention that this September will be 15 years since he died. But I am thinking about him and the wonderful children he left behind. I'm sure he's very proud of how well our little "Calvins" turned out and would enjoy the gran-Calvins too.

PHOOEY

First of all - Doc - you are a pain in the neck and thank you for making me do this - even though I really, really, really don't want to do this.

I'm supposed to add to the blog 2 to 3 times a week as part of my road to wellness and as you may (or may not) have noticed - there hasn't been one since the 30th. I just did not want to write this down because it made it real and this is one that I would prefer didn't exist.

Monday night at 7:00pm I went to Ruth's to scrapbook the old year out and the new year in. I usually make a point of my New Year's Eve activity to be reading a book in bed with junk food surrounding me and being asleep before midnight. I should have done it this year too. I left Coco and Willow in the house and got home at 12:10 am. Both sliding glass doors were open, the little dog chewing me out in chihuahua - ese and Coco's collar on the floor. (I had noticed it was too tight that afternoon and loosened it one notch. I wasn't alarmed about Coco cause she should have been named Houdini anyway and her escaping was normal. The not normal thing was that she didn't come when called. I looked around the neighborhood calling her name and then got in the car to look. I was concerned but not overly concerned. I figured she would come home during the night.

Next morning, no Coco. I searched several times that day and asked around. (If anybody has a lost animal or a found animal, you can ask at Tommy's - they are information central in our neck of the woods.) No Coco. I figured since she didn't have her collar on she may have been picked up by the Animal Control Folks so looked forward to them opening up on Wed.

Went to the shelter on Wed, and saw lots of sad dogs but no Coco. I filed a report and even heard from someone on Friday that thought they had Coco but it turned out to be a false alarm.

I am sad, angry, scared ( we've had temps in the teens), worried, feeling guilty, and more roller coaster feelings about the whole thing and don't want to acknowledge the fact that more than likely my dog is gone. If I try hard I can fool myself into thinking that she was found by a nice family that wanted a dog and she will live happily ever after. After all, with her history of climbing fences, having been found as a stray in Utah in the first place, opening doors and just being a stubborn dog - there's a chance of that, right? The more likely scenario is that she was exploring as usual and was hit by a car and either died right away or the one I really don't like is that she was suffering and eventually died from exposure during the two nights that were so cold.

I remember when Snowball, my in law's poodle, went out to use the bathroom on a cold and icy night and was forgotten until much later. She was never found and we all know she died. It was sad and tragic but because of her age and health issues, there just wasn't much else that could have happened. Lots could have happened to Coco and I may never know.

So there - happy now, doc? I'm not. Phooey!