PHOOEY

First of all - Doc - you are a pain in the neck and thank you for making me do this - even though I really, really, really don't want to do this.

I'm supposed to add to the blog 2 to 3 times a week as part of my road to wellness and as you may (or may not) have noticed - there hasn't been one since the 30th. I just did not want to write this down because it made it real and this is one that I would prefer didn't exist.

Monday night at 7:00pm I went to Ruth's to scrapbook the old year out and the new year in. I usually make a point of my New Year's Eve activity to be reading a book in bed with junk food surrounding me and being asleep before midnight. I should have done it this year too. I left Coco and Willow in the house and got home at 12:10 am. Both sliding glass doors were open, the little dog chewing me out in chihuahua - ese and Coco's collar on the floor. (I had noticed it was too tight that afternoon and loosened it one notch. I wasn't alarmed about Coco cause she should have been named Houdini anyway and her escaping was normal. The not normal thing was that she didn't come when called. I looked around the neighborhood calling her name and then got in the car to look. I was concerned but not overly concerned. I figured she would come home during the night.

Next morning, no Coco. I searched several times that day and asked around. (If anybody has a lost animal or a found animal, you can ask at Tommy's - they are information central in our neck of the woods.) No Coco. I figured since she didn't have her collar on she may have been picked up by the Animal Control Folks so looked forward to them opening up on Wed.

Went to the shelter on Wed, and saw lots of sad dogs but no Coco. I filed a report and even heard from someone on Friday that thought they had Coco but it turned out to be a false alarm.

I am sad, angry, scared ( we've had temps in the teens), worried, feeling guilty, and more roller coaster feelings about the whole thing and don't want to acknowledge the fact that more than likely my dog is gone. If I try hard I can fool myself into thinking that she was found by a nice family that wanted a dog and she will live happily ever after. After all, with her history of climbing fences, having been found as a stray in Utah in the first place, opening doors and just being a stubborn dog - there's a chance of that, right? The more likely scenario is that she was exploring as usual and was hit by a car and either died right away or the one I really don't like is that she was suffering and eventually died from exposure during the two nights that were so cold.

I remember when Snowball, my in law's poodle, went out to use the bathroom on a cold and icy night and was forgotten until much later. She was never found and we all know she died. It was sad and tragic but because of her age and health issues, there just wasn't much else that could have happened. Lots could have happened to Coco and I may never know.

So there - happy now, doc? I'm not. Phooey!