My Mom

I have good and not so good things to say about Mom when I was growing up. Before I get started I just want to say that each of us makes mistakes and none of us are perfect. I think Mom was a great Mom even though there were some things I would never have done as a parent. It was a different time and we can't judge the way things were done when different ideals were normal.

Mom worked hard her whole life. I know she was a waitress several times, she worked at Erwin Mills, later known as Burlington Industries, for a really long time. She was a ward secretary and a sales clerk. We weren't poor but we didn't really have a lot of extra money. Mom always volunteered to work overtime because that was how she paid for school clothes, Christmas and so forth. She preferred to work third shift. She read - a lot. She loved science fiction as well as science. She was very smart, especially when you realize that she dropped out of school in the eighth grade. She took several classes through the years but the ones I remember the most were the two things that she "wanted to do before" she died. I think she knew that the heart problem wasn't going to be fixed so she took them at the same time. She actually passed everything to become an EMS even though she had no intentions of actually working as one. She also learned American Sign Language.

Mom loved Christmas and worked very hard to make sure we had a nice Christmas. I wasn't always appreciative and could kick myself now. There were two things I would love to take back. One was when I got a Madge doll instead of Barbie. Madge was the best friend of Barbie but Barbie cost more. Of course, I didn't hide my disappointment. Dumb kid. The second was when I was in the 7th grade and EVERYONE had a corduroy jacket so when it was time to choose a project to sew in Home Ec, I chose the jacket. Mom went with me to pick out the fabric, yet she wouldn't let me get the right corduroy. The one we got was smelly and I hated it. It just wasn't like everyone else's. Dumb me showed my displeasure and I know I hurt Mom's feelings. Of course the fabric that I wanted was probably way too expensive and I should have been grateful for what I got. In the year before Mom died, we spent a lot of time talking about my childhood years and we forgave each other for the hurts we inflicted on each other.

One thing discussed was how I had to be "in charge" of my brother without any authority yet with all the responsibility. I was eight when it was determined we wouldn't have a babysitter after school. Mom was at home in case of an emergency even if she was asleep. We had a list of chores we were supposed to do each day. The problem was that Scott learned quickly that if he didn't do his share, I was punished because everything wasn't finished. I couldn't make him do anything and if I "told on him", I was punished for letting him do whatever it was! So, Scott ran wild and I cleaned the house and prepared dinner. This went on our whole childhood. When Scott later told us about all the drugs and stuff he had gotten and at what age, I felt guilty because I had raised him wrong! Even though I got over that stupid thought, I still wonder if things would have been different if Mom and Dad had made him accountable for his actions and gave me the authority to let them know when he was acting up. I learned to keep my mouth shut so I wasn't punished and Scott learned how to get away with almost anything. To me this whole issue was the main thing that Mom and Dad did wrong in raising us. I became too responsible and he became too irresponsible. Who knows?

Mom tried hard to be a good mother. I was raised in a time of "spare the rod and spoil the child" but I can tell you that I was NOT spoiled. Belts and switches were the favorite forms of punishment. When I was a teenager I must have been scary. I remember refusing to cry and if looks could kill, I'd have been an orphan. Can we say stubborn and obstreperous?

My mother also had a bit of paranormal "something". (In case you ever wondered where I got it from - now you know.) She would get funny feelings that would come just before something strange happened. She did research into that kind of stuff and found out she was a good palm reader. She would read palms at parties and it would get kinda scary sometimes. One thing that always worried me - she would read everyone's palms and tell them things - BUT she would never tell me what my palm said to her. She would look often but would never tell me anything. Because of the fact that she was really good at it - yep, I think I might still be worried. The fact that she wasn't overly fond of my first husband but was very happy with my second husband tells me a lot. She saw unhappiness for me with the first and happiness with the second. I still wonder if she knew that I would spend most of my life alone and that's why she wouldn't say anything.

Things that Mom liked: Star Trek and Star Wars, mysteries of any sort, flowers, children, cats and dogs.

One thing I know for sure - my mother loved me. I knew it when I was a child and as I grew older. She was a toucher. Hugs and kisses and snuggles were normal. I also know that she did the best she could. So I'll end now and say one last thing - I love you, Mom.