New Year's Resolutions

I've been avoiding this assignment. Fact is - I don't want to do it. For a number of years my resolution has been to not make resolutions. But thanks to a doctor who makes me do things I don't want to do - here goes.

#1 - No unrealistic resolutions

#2 - I will do my best to care about losing weight and IF it happens then I will do my best to lose some weight.

#3 - This one is easy. It's time to get a job.

#4 - I will continue my blog even if I stop seeing my doctor.

#5 - I will have yard sales to get rid of the STUFF in my house and will dejunk as much as possible.

OK, there is your five resolutions for 2008. Phooey!

$50 Ham Sandwich

As promised, here is the story of the $50 ham sandwich.

When I went to OK in November, my daughter and her husband had Thanksgiving Dinner early since I was there and they would be moving around Thanksgiving. The meat was a Spiral-Cut Ham and was delicious. I ate ham sandwiches several days and was a happy camper.

Since then I've been wanting a ham sandwich. Turns out I want the same spiral-cut ham cause nothing else satisfied. Now when you live by yourself, it's hard to go buy one of these hams. Every time I would stop by, they would swear they really do carry a 1/4 ham. They just never seem to have one available. So - just before Christmas I decided I was getting a spiral-cut ham no matter the size. This was my Christmas gift to myself.

I go to the store on Christmas Eve day with all the 4 million people who decided they needed a ham too. The store mounts this huge search for that 1/4 ham they really believe exists and come back with the smallest ham they have. Price tag? Just over $50. As I said, I was determined to leave with a ham so I bought it. I ate my wonderful ham sandwich that night - after I took a picture of my $50 ham sandwich. YUMMY!

So,

- Bread? $2
- Mayo? $2
- Pickles? $3
- Ham? $50

My Ham sandwich experience? Priceless!!!!

The picture of the ham sandwich? Oops! Ate it before I took the picture. Use your imagination.

Need a Laugh?

OK, I love to watch comedians. Most of the time you have to put up with some bad language and some inappropriate humor so I tend to go for the ones that aren't so bad. One of my favorite guys uses some bad language and stuff but overall he isn't too bad. He has a character named Peanut who is one of my favorites. Jeff Dunham is a ventriloquist with dummies who are loved by lots of folks. Besides Peanut I think the most famous are Walter and Jose Jalapeno (on a stick). I saw him in person once and have seen him on TV a lot. My son let me borrow two of his DVD's with Jeff Dunham. On Christmas day I watch both DVD's. On one of them he does a stand up routine as himself with any dummies. He did a part about chihuahuas take had me laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. (When it first started I was taking a swallow of soda (lemon-lime) and I spewed soda through my nose! Later when I was telling my friend about it I called the soda Coke and said I laughed so hard I snorted Coke. That mistake was almost as funny as the story.) Anyway, if you like a laugh - my son says he got the DVD's at Wal-Mart - this is the one I recommend. The one with the chihuahua routine was on the one called spark of insanity or something like that.

Christmas in NC

I was all set to be alone and enjoy the solitude of ignoring Christmas day. Then I was invited to enjoy my grandson's first Christmas morning. I was so sure that I was going to toughen up and not NEED to be with family on holidays. You know, part of the "fix the looney tune" campaign. (That comment is going to get me in sooo much trouble with my therapist.) Well, I guess that part of the campaign will have to wait. My morning of being with my son and daughter-in-law and grandson was wonderful. I was with family ON the holiday. Not before, not after, actually ON THE HOLIDAY. Just being with them and feeling loved and a part of something was awesome. I may have to get used to being alone but for now my need was filled very well.

Magic, anyone?

So, do YOU believe in magic? I don't mean illusion and the sleight of hands that you will find in Vegas. REAL magic.

Does it exist? Can someone have the power to conjure something in midair? Can someone use a power others don't have and manipulate things around us to be something different?

I do believe in magic. The magic of a small child's joy. The magic of love. The magic of kindness. The magic of Christmas. Especially the maqgic of Christ. As for the spells and other such stuff? Oh well, anything is possible. For me, I love to read romance, fantasy, mystery and so forth. There's lots of magic in a book. Fact or Fiction? Not my call. I'll stick with the magic I know.

To all the magic in my life - the adult children and their spouses, the grandchildren and my friends and other family members. Enjoy the magic of Christ as we celebrate his birth. Merry Christmas from this old lady.

My Assignment today

Examine my feelings on my weight.

We could be here a while. Make sure you have food and water nearby.

When I was young and all the way to my early 20's, my weight problem was that I was too skinny. I ate diets to help gain weight and I was hiding those scrawny legs and arms constantly. SIGH! What a problem to have.

My being overweight problems started after pregnancy. It became harder and harder to lose weight after each baby - but - this was also the time that I was going through some whoppers of personal problems and as I have found depression plus me equals weight gain. I don't eat right when I'm depressed. So was it the change in hormones, the depression or all of the above? Who knows and who cares?

One thing I have also determined through years of reflection and doctor dollars - I am at a point that I would like for someone to like me whether I'm fat or not. After the divorce and a stress diet I lost the weight and "attracted" Robbie. I guess I've determined that if I lose weight someone wants me and if I don't I'm not wanted. Screwy, maybe. Also sounds like it's true.

Anyway, my feelings now? I don't like my body fat, but I do like me. If someone else doesn't see me without the body fat? Guess what? I don't see them either. Very freeing, actually.

So the whole thing in a nutshell? What weight problem?

(Might not be what the doctor wanted, but she did ask.)

Geodude-David is my hero

At least for today. I've been concerned because when I surf on the "next Blog" bar in my blogs I was finding stuff that I found objectionable for me and if someone with kids came to my blog and hit next blog and saw some of the stuff I was seeing - CRINGE! I had searched all over the blogger.com site and hadn't been able to find out how to stop it. I finally clicked on Help Group or something like that and joined just so I could ask the question. One person answered and he directed me to a site that was VERY helpful. I hope it's ok to post it here cause it had a lot more stuff that I thought was good. http://bloggerstatusforreal.blogspot.com/2007/08/blocking-navbar-next-blog-link.html The downside is that I haven't figured out how to get back to the dashboard without going all the way back to the beginning BUT the other problem is fixed and Geodude-David gets the credit. Thanks Dude.

PS: Having read some of his page, this problem is one that has existed for a while and doesn't seem to be dealt with properly (my opinion). I'm not familiar with other blogging sites so I don't know if this is just part of blogging or just this site.

Christmas for me.

I was out in the western part of the US last week to celebrate Christmas. I was able to visit with most of my kids, kids-in-law and grandchildren and for me this was my Christmas celebration. For me it's all about family so a day on a calendar doesn't mean a whole lot.

As I was growing up I got that feeling from Christmas even though it was normally just the four of us. Some years we would celebrate with Dad's family but I don't ever remember celebrating with Mom's family. It's weird because my brother didn't have the same warm fuzzy feeling about our years growing up.

The main thing that I have learned about holidays, celebrations and families came when I was an adult and the most important thing I learned too late. When I married my second husband, the holidays became very stressful and not as much fun because of those nasty expectations I've come to dislike. It was expected that we get up early and go over to his mother's house with no regards to the kids getting a chance to enjoy "Santa" or for the fact that I had parents also. Any time spent away from the official celebration was considered a disappointment and heaven knows everything I did was disappointing. We would try to arrange a celebration at our house at a different time and that always backfired. I would be punished for months because of stuff like that (by his mother, not him. He was frustrated too.) We were the only ones with kids at that time. Later when other kids came along things changed a little but by then my kids were older and didn't get the same feelings on Christmas morning. The holidays were monopolized by that side of the family while we would defy the opinions and rush to my parents for an hour and then rush back. That's the lesson I learned. By the time I realized how little time I spent with my mother on a holiday she loved, it was too late. She had already died. I do not blame his mother or the family because - I allowed it. I should have stated that we were going to spend x amount of time at home with our little family, x amount of time with my parents and x amount of time with his family and if his mother didn't like it then we would suffer the consequences. The funny thing is that I spent years trying to get her to approve of me, to like me and she never did. So why was it so important to try? She wasn't going to be happy with me anyway. We should have set the rules and stuck by them.

All this rambling for this point. I go out west to see my kids in the "off" times. I try not to go on Christmas because I know my kids have in laws to see for the holidays. I've set an example to my kids by not making it a priority to be where I wanted to be on a holiday. A bad example. It's a shame. If nothing else, I hope they learn from my mistake and take control of how they want to spend their special times. Of where they want to be and when they want to be there. Maybe they will be better examples for their kids.

So I stand back and let others have the holidays that I no longer think are special. I know that sounds sad but you know what? I don't think so. I saw my kids and their families and I had a great time. I no longer let a date dictate to me what I should be doing and where I should be. I think that's pretty cool. We'll see if the therapist thinks so.

I debated on whether to be this open and frank about a topic that could be considered touchy but since only one of my children seems to ever read this maybe I'll be safe. If not, oh well, shoot me. My doc thinks this is helping me and that's why I'm doing it.

Finding the Alpha Dog

A few years ago I was lucky enough to puppy sit my daughter's chihuahua (Allie) for 6 months. I thought that was reward enough but child #4-daughter#3 and husband of child#4-daughter#3 told me that I would get the first puppy. Since I fell in love with Allie and then with her husband, Oscar, the thought of their puppy was real exciting. Still not necessary but who am I to turn away lots of love?

This last trip to Utah had two purposes - to see all three daughters, two sons-in-law, four grandchildren, three chihuahuas, a friend and her family AND to bring home my new puppy! Willow is an active 3 pound whirlwind. As I type, she is playing on my back and the back of my chair. I'm not sure what is so fascinating but then again I'm not 9 weeks old or a dog.

This is the sweet little family before I ripped the baby away. (SIGH) Oscar, Willow and Allie don't always pose so nicely.

The part that is so funny is that I brought Willow home to a Chesapeake Bay Retriever. Coco still isn't sure about the little thing that is nipping at her ankles. Sedate and big versus energy and tiny. This should be interesting. Coco is only 67 pounds heavier yet I think that Willow is in charge for now. When Coco gets tired of the pup she pushes her off with her huge paw. So far she's been gentle.

Now we just have to set who is Alpha in this house. Coco knows it's me, I know it's me, but Willow thinks she's in charge. If you look at that tiny face you can see this is going to be a challenge.

My "coincidence"

I wanted to write all about my trip but instead I'm going to whine. On Nov 13th I went to the doctor to review my medications. I was well when I went in. I got a flu shot while I was there.

The next morning I woke up sick. Achy, sinus pain, coughing, sneezing - the whole nine yards. Since I had gotten the flu shot the day before I figured it was a reaction to the shot and called to see if I needed to do anything special or treat it just like a regular cold. I was informed that you can't get sick from the flu shot. It's a dead virus. It was just a "coincidence." After a week of misery, my "coincidence" got infected in my sinuses. Calling the doctor got me the same story of "can't get sick from . . . it's a coincidence" and a prescription for an antibiotic for the sinus infection. The meds made my sinuses feel better but the original coincidence was going strong. I flew in two airplanes to get to the west. I stayed sick while in Utah and started getting worse the day before leaving to come home. Two more planes and LOTS of pain in my ears and sinuses.

I got home from the airport and crashed - sleeping from 10 am until 3 pm - back in bed by 5 pm and up again at 8:30 am. MISERY. I called the doctors office to tell them I was going to be seen by the doctor. So I see the doc at 10:30 to be told that my ears are badly infected, sinuses infected and so forth. When I told her that I had been sick since the day after seeing her on the 13th and therefore had been sick a month, she acted as if she didn't believe me. She thinks this one is a different illness. DON'T YOU HAVE TO GET WELL BEFORE YOU GET SICK AGAIN?

More expensive medicine for two weeks this time. whinewhinewhinewhinewhine

Devotional times 2

I had a great opportunity this weekend. Not only did I go to the church to watch the First Presidency's Christmas Devotional tonight, I attended a devotional held for the Raleigh NC temple workers in Apex last night. The spirit was strong in both events.

For me, the Christmas message was my main celebration of Christmas. I'll still visit kids, go caroling and so forth but I planned this to be my main celebration. The messages were perfect for me and the music made my spirit soar. I can't think of a better way to celebrate the birth of Jesus.

Last night's message was different but no less special. The temple presidency had an hour long mixer so workers from all the different shifts would be able to mingle, eat and enjoy each other's company. Then we went into the chapel where there were talks about the blessings of the temple and we expressed our gratitude to have a temple so close to us.

I am so grateful to have been introduced to the church so that I could gain my testimony of the Gospel. The influences of so many good people has helped me to grow as a person and I am happy to proclaim; I KNOW the church is true and is led by prophets in this modern day. I can not imagine my Heavenly Father establishing the organization of His church through His Son's ministry and then letting us fall by the wayside. He has provided a way for us to return to Him and is guiding our leaders today.

Mormon Bigotry

I was "surfing the web" (is it still called that?) and came across an article on Robert Redford and comments he made on Mormons and Mitt Romney. The article was interesting but the comments were more so. You might want to read this before the rest of my comments.

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/1,5143,695231780,00.html

Having lived in NC my whole life, been LDS since 1976 and had family living in the west for going on 11 years, I feel I have a bit of perspective. It's real easy to make generalizations about any group of people yet for some reason our society seems to think it's acceptable to do that with Mormons. Like it's an accepted fact that "insert assumption here" is true, everybody knows that. I'd love to have a nickel for every time I've corrected a "fact". I've also been told numerous times that I was wrong. One lady staunchly told me that I believed in polygamy, forcing women to stay at home, forcing women to have large families, that I didn't believe in Christ and I wasn't saved. She had known me for 2 years and had worked closely with me the entire time. She had been around me as we talked about lessons that we had in church the Sunday before. celebrated the birth of Christ, talked about the atonement, etc. We had had religious discussions for those two years and she KNEW me. Yet, her preacher had used his sermon that Sunday to tell them how misguided those poor Mormons were and don't be fooled by them. When I told her that he was mistaken, that I had been a member for over twenty years and we did not believe in all that stuff - she told me I was wrong! Her preacher told her it was so and therefore I really did believe all that stuff! Bizarre.

There are congregations in this area that have regular "revivals" to teach about us evil or misguided cult members. Can you imagine a church having sermons on evil catholics, Jews or muslin folk? It would be termed "hate messages" and would be reviled in the community. Yet if a Mormon commits a crime, the headline reads - Mormon man commits crime. If he is of another religion it doesn't even make the article, much less the headline. This will be a huge surprise to some but Mormons are people who have free agency and make mistakes just like the rest of the world. I know folks who are on the record as being Mormon who have not stepped inside an LDS church in 20 or more years. Folks that have not actively been involved in any religious worship yet when asked their religious affiliation will put down Mormon. Just because you are a member of the church does not mean that you are active or even if you attend every Sunday, it doesn't mean you are making good choices. I've yet to understand why people can't see that you can't lump everyone into the same mold. If a catholic man beats his wife does that mean that all catholic men beat their wives? Of course not! Even if you could find 500 cases of catholic men beating their wives, you shouldn't make a blank statement like that. Just like Redford's comment that all Mormon men go on missions and are taught how to conduct themselves in a certain way, it would be foolish to say - all actors are stupid because Robert Redford makes stupid comments. (You know this isn't the first time he's gone public with an opinion that has flaws.)

From what I've experienced and heard, I would say that Utah and other heavily Mormon populated areas are much different than NC. It seems that most of the people know a few facts about Mormons without having to have a sermon preached to them to inform them of the dangerous folks. There is a different feeling entirely when I am in the west. I think of it as the LDS Bubble. There you are not likely to be one of the three LDS members in the high school or the token Mormon at work. You are not the only person in your community group that knows that you attend the temple or go to the temple instead of "You go to Temple on Wed. nights."

In Utah when I ask for directions at a grocery store, they ask me if I know where such and such meetinghouse is before figuring out how to tell me. There I have been asked if I've had a chance to go see Temple Square when a stranger finds out I'm from out of state or "Are you here for a sealing?" Not something I would hear in NC.

As for Mr. Redford. Gee, he is formally a hunk who acted a long time ago, who thinks his opinion on politics should be national news. Frankly he isn't qualified to be a political advisor for me. He is one of those celebrities that think that because we liked their work in showbiz (or sports or whatever) he or she should throw their support for such and such candidate. I saw a clip where the news group was tyring to decide if Oprah campaigning for Obama was more or less helpful than Bill campaigning for Hillary. I love Oprah's show and her other endeavors. She's a good lady that has become a great role model in many ways. She still isn't qualified to tell me who to vote for or against. As for Bill? In my opinion, he could do more good for Hillary's campaign if he supported the other guy. Not that I'd vote for Hillary either. Never liked the Clinton slime and don't want it back. ICKY

So the conclusion for me? Who cares what Redford has to say? He's wrong in his statements about the Mormons. He is no longer a hunk. He's not even pretty any more. This article gave him more credit than he deserved. If there had been no article against him, a lot of folks would never have known he was acting as a political advisor for a minute.

Out here away from the LDS Bubble I sometimes hear very nice people who are good members that sometimes fall into the same trap. I've heard it said that we (non-LDS Bubble inhabitants) don't know the proper way to "insert activity here". I've heard very nice people who are good members that are from the South or East that have made disparaging remarks about "those Westerners or Northerners" needing to go back where they came from if they couldn't adapt to the way things are done here. Once while a counselor in a presidency in a planning session for an upcoming ward activity a Western lady made the oft heard comment "Well, in my old ward . . ." and a normally polite Southern lady interrupted her and said, "Well, you're not in that ward anymore." and continued the discussion. The part that floored me was that NO ONE in the group was appalled at the rudeness exhibited by the Southern lady. True, everyone was tired of hearing how great everything was done in the west, but that was no excuse for her rudeness. When I privately brought this up in the presidency, it was discussed and it was determined that a lesson on diversity and acceptance of others was needed. In addition I was given the task of talking with the two ladies involved to soothe feathers. I did not have fun with this task. The Western lady refused to attend any more planning meetings as well as the activity. She made the statement that she hated the South and all of the rude, ignorant people. She didn't see that she was doing the same thing that had offended her! The Southern lady was miffed that she was seen as rude because everyone knew that Westerners were know-it-alls who didn't. It took a lot of work to get a group of women who really were nice people to accept each other as individuals and not as part of a region. PS- I didn't get insulted to be lumped in the group of rude, ignorant southerns. Life's too short for grudges.

I know this was a long one but I needed to talk.

Scrap booking

The question for today is - Why do you scrapbook and what do you get out of it? How does it help or hinder you?

Why? It is a creative outlet that makes me feel good and gives me something to look back on - for me it is an achievement. I wish I was an artist yet when I try different mediums - it just doesn't measure up. Not in my eyes or anyone else's. I think I do have a way with words and I am also a pretty good photographer. I can see colors and tell what I like so combine all of the above and it gives me scrap booking.

I feel a sense of accomplishment when I'm finished with a page and feel joy with the results. It helps me to appreciate my surrounding since I can see a scrapbook design in almost anything. When I'm with others, I can enjoy what I'm doing while "seeing" in my head how the experience can be enjoyed again by scrap booking. It also makes me "get out there" because if you don't do things - you can't scrapbook them!

As for hindering me? I'm not sure it really counts but others don't see the benefits of supplying me with pictures so I miss out on a lot that I wish I could scrapbook. I'd love to look over my pages and find events that I wasn't there for when they happened. It would make me feel more like I was part of what was happening with those I care about.

Bryan and I use to have this discussion. OK, he would tell me why I was wrong, I would share my feelings and he would dismiss them as being wrong. He felt that if you had your photos on the computer, you could go back and look at them and get the same feeling as when I look through a scrapbook. I have mine on a computer and it just isn't the same. I could explain that the feeling he got from creating a painting was how I felt after a page was finished. He never understood my feelings so of course I was wrong. But then again - that was Bryan.

So - all in all - it may not work for others, yet for me - scrap booking is good. One more thing - it is a way for me to share myself and who I am with others. A type of journal.

Motivation

Motive is defined as something (as a need or desire) that causes a person to act. We need motivation to do lots of things in life. OK, most things. Losing weight, getting a new job, hobbies, getting out of bed in the morning . . .

What motivates me right now? Not much. I'm doing a blog as an experiment to help myself figure out what I want to do when I grow up. Frankly, my problems with my existence right now are interfering with that experiment. I want feedback from those that I care about to help me sort these things out and I'm not getting much. This isn't a bad thing. It just proves what I've suspected all along. What's come out of my therapy so far is that I put too much importance on what my family thinks. When I don't get a lot of discussion from them or my friends, I internalize that as rejection even though I know that it isn't. Everyone has a life that includes day to day living and other things that don't include me. I'm NOT being rejected. I'm just not a part of that life. I have spent so much of my adult life existing as a mother, daughter, sister and so forth - being involved in that day to day stuff. I am not part of that now. My parents and brother are dead. My kids are adults with children of their own and are doing exactly what I wanted for them as they grew up. Stable, self-reliant and happy individuals creating their own families. So what the heck is my problem? Everything is working out exactly as it should.

I guess I never thought beyond that time when everyone is doing their own thing. I didn't plan on being alone yet had no control over my husband dying before we got a chance to have a "sunset" portion to our lives. It's been long enough since he died to adjust to that fact so my resistance is not logical. Guess that's what I need to be working on now.

You know, I don't think a blog was necessary. A journal would have worked just as well and I wouldn't take a chance on exposing myself to others. hmmmmm. OH, now I get it. Guess I did have a reason for the blog. Well now that I'm exposed, I think I'll go get covered up.

Black Friday Poem

The day after Thanksgiving and all through the house,
EVERYONE's stirring, even that mouse
What's so exciting? all the children say,
Why are we leaving our house on this day?

School's out! Why can't we have fun?
I wanna play and get out in the sun.
I don't understand why we can't play.
What so darn special about BLACK FRIDAY?

We still have food from yesterday's meal
To heat up and eat up so what's the big deal?
It's stupid to get up before the sun
I just went to bed, my sleepin's not done.

To get in the car and go to the store
To wait in a line - they haven't opened the door!
A special? A SPECIAL? A SPECIAL, you say?
There's nothing special about this dumb BLACK FRIDAY!

I'm just a kid and I see what they did.
Those advertisers fooled you, their intentions they hid.
They're after your money, hide your wallet - you dolt!
OH NOOOOOO! They got you before you could bolt!

The computer you wanted - it was a steal!
But look at this one! It's more but, hey, what a deal.
Oh, they only had fifty, we're fifty-one, you say?
We're not having much luck on this BLACK FRIDAY.

Wait, what do you mean? That one's been sold?
There aren't any more is what we are told.
But for 800 more than we wanted to pay
We can get a karaoke machine, whadda ya say?

Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind?
You wanted a computer and what did ya find?
An expensive machine that we don't need,
But what a great buy, hunh? ARE YOU ON WEED?

They are out to get you, don't you know?
They take your money, your budget you blow!
BLACK FRIDAY is a myth, it isn't true.
An advertising ploy against me and against you.

Next year remember, Thanksgiving plus one day,
Hide your keys, hide your wallet, in your home you must STAY!
Don't let them entice you to their stores on that day
Then maybe, just maybe you'll survive BLACK FRIDAY.

by Gramama written on BLACK FRIDAY 2007

On Assignment

Hello all:

My assignment for tonight is to investigate my feelings on HOLIDAYS.

What a scary word. When I was a child it was great. No school, no homework, all the TV I wanted - what could ever be wrong with that? It wouldn't take long for the boredom to set in and thoughts about how long before it was time to go back to the regular world. As I grew older, holidays were even less exciting.

Then came adulthood - and reality. Holidays are hyped up to be a reason to get together with family and "bond". Who are they kidding?????? One person does the majority of the work to make one meal that is inhaled in a matter of moments with a group of people that you don't spend a whole lot of time with during the year. This is a "Kodak Moment". Picture the cook looking down at the table that has been devoured by a grazing herd of bickering relatives. The remains of the meal are waiting to be put away, the dishes to be washed and order restored. Everyone has scattered to separate parts of the house in little groups of who they are comfortable with. Aunt Jane avoids Uncle Ross; cousin Petey tortures little Rosie; Grandma asks whichever uncomfortable kid she's able to catch as they run past, "So, how's school?" What fun this bonding thing is! Why don't we bond more during the year??

"CLICK"

Maybe you should take that little camera into the kitchen with the cook who has a stunned look on his/her face; wondering how all that preparation could be for a meal that is over so quickly. Go down the hall and take a picture of little Mandy as she sits in the corner of a dark room, miserable because she wants to go home and play rather than be with cousin Candy who looks down her nose at Mandy as if she were a bug.

I've seen lots of different families as they practice this form of politics - Holiday Politics. Some handle it better than others. Some actually look forward to the holiday gathering and don't go away armed with lots of fodder for the next disfunctional family comedy TV series. Others don't fare as well.

Holidays are what you make them. Set your expectations of others too high and you will disappointed. If you expect everyone to get along and like each other because it's a holiday - you will undoubtably find out that folks who don't feel comfortable with each other during the year - guess what? Forcing them together on a holiday will not make them like each other any better. Probably just the opposite.

Maybe this blog should have had a warning attached.

I am thankful for MANY people and things. I am thankful everyday and don't need a holiday to make me so. I have set my expections way too high over the years and when others did not meet those expectations, I was disappointed. I hope that part of my life is over. I expect this holdiay and every other holiday to be another day that we make into whatever suits us.

For those of you worried about dear old Mom being alone on a holiday - don't be. First of all I will be spending some time with my friend, Ruth. She wants to fix a meal so I'm helping her make her Thanksgiving what she wants it to be. As for me, I'm alone every day. It doesn't change just because it's a holiday. You don't become more alone or less alone. It just is. My plans for Christmas includes a few dogs and cats, house sitting for two friends and a day of solitude. Chosen solitude. Planned solitude. Nothing bad. Nothing to fret about or call out the National Guard. I will be OK. What a concept!

To Do: Write a To Do List

One of the things I've learned from this blogging experience is that people will buy anything. There is a lady who had a magazine on To Do Lists and asked people to send her their lists. She has published a book of them and here is the kicker - it looks interesting. I might have to buy the book. SIGH!!

Do you write a to do list? Do you stick to it? As you do something that wasn't on the list do you put it on the list so you can mark it off? For me, I have so many to do list that I have a list of my to do lists. Unfortunately I can't find many of those lists and I couldn't put my hands on my list of lists if you held me at gunpoint. I think the act of putting everything down on paper (or computer) is a way to unclutter my brain. Once it's down somewhere that I won't forget it, it doesn't have to hang over me as "something I need to not forget"

Hey - put a comment down and let me know what YOU think.

Thoughts on Oklahoma City

I've been trying to decide how to write my feelings on the memorial for the OKC bombing. I remarked to Ken while we were walking around the memorial - we as a people tend to forget the horrors that overwhelm us. For this reason we need memorials to remind us and never let us forget. It may seem at first glance that this was the evil of a small number of people but is it? While this may have been the actual work of two men - the evil that was behind it is in the hearts and minds of many. If we allow ourselves to forget the images we saw on April 19, 1995 or September 11, 2001 or any other day that terror was used as a weapon against humanity - we then allow that evil to take hold once again.

I was talking to my Primary class about what I saw and felt while in OKC when I realized that these kids hadn't been born when this happened. It is history to them just as World Wars 1 and 2 and the Korean War are to me. That's when I realized that it really is important to have these memorials to events and people to help us try to not let history repeat itself. Not just for those who remember but for those who didn't live through the tragedy.

Rescue workers, firefighters, policemen, the Armed Forces and other "jobs" that we sometimes take for granted. When a tragedy happens, whether man made or a natural disaster, those people are on the spot to help. We are grateful and thank them profusely. What we need to strive for is showing our gratitude all of the time, not just when we need them.

I've been to lots of memorials in my life. Some are just a marble block with writing, some have lots of symbolism like the memorial in OKC. There is a website for the OKC bombing memorial. Check it out.

Does the Wind Still Blow in Oklahoma

That's the name of a song by Reba on her Duets CD. Now that I've been in OK for a couple of days the title makes sense. They should rename the state The Windy State. Gee!

Coco and I traveled halfway across the US in two days. Tons of people went to the Great Smokey Mountains for the peak weekend of fall colors. I hope they weren't too disappointed. Browns and dull yellow and dull orange were the exciting colors.


Middle Tennessee is where I found the prettiest colors and there wasn't much of it. We stopped when we wanted to, drove at night while others were not on the road and general had fun on our roadtrip. I hope it's just as fun going back.

It is so much fun being with grandkids. Reading books, watching gymnastics, playing with the dogs . . . it doesn't matter what we do or don't do. I could just sit and watch them for hours.

My Halloween

Halloween wasn't a big deal when I was growing up. HOWEVER, once I had children, I became addicted and I enjoyed making the holiday a fun time for everyone. I loved the kids dressing up, handing out candy and yes, I dressed up too. I always made a big pot of chili on Halloween so everyone could eat when they felt like it and it was warm and yummy for a cold night.

Somewhere along the way the adults ruined Halloween. They became worried about the "message" being sent to kids. You know, evil, the devil, spooks and the supernatural and so forth. Halloween is what you make it. I wanted to make it fun and now everyone is talking about HOLYween and Harvest Night or Fall Festival. For crying out loud, people, it's an excuse to dress up and visit neighbors and get more candy than can be eaten in a month.

Tonight was better than the last few years of Halloweens. I dressed up as Marilyn Monroe - 50 yrs later. Rouge slicks on my cheeks, gold eye shadow caked on and BRIGHT red lipstick - smeared. I kept trying to have lipstick on my teeth but I kept eating it.

Next I went to Graham and went Trick or Treating with My Little Pumpkin, Tyler. He's so cute! Pepper was dressed as Yoda and their neighborhood was perfect for Trick or Treat. Here are some picture of the night. NOTE: Mommy was NOT to thrill when Pawpaw gave Tyler a butterscotch sucker, but he knew just what to do with it!

One day my kids will stop making faces or hiding from the camera but today wasn't the day. Happy Halloween!

New to the BLOG

I know I can't be the first to say this - Blog reminds me of the horror movie about the BLOB.

Maybe that's why I've resisted blogging. My therapist suggested that this might be a way for me to work through feelings and share with family. That is still to be seen. Working through feelings in front of the world may be too much for this country girl. The fact that Lisa and Ken sent a blog site to me at the same time a therapist suggests a blog - well who knows? May be a sign - might be nonsense.